i had to hack into a lot of databases
to gather variables for the machine
and i needed the best behavioural analysts
that was quite an expensive team
but now it's done and it's computing my every little need
a strip of paper comes out, and this is what i read

my soul-mate lives in india, but i can't afford the ticket there
i'd repeat that the machine was quite expensive
if i thought that you would care
but there's this girl called sarah, who doesn't live that far away
and she prefers the office u.k. to the office u.s.a.

she's not a perfect match but compared to you she's the girl of my dreams
vanilla is not her favourite flavour of god damn ice cream
she doesn't pick her nose when she thinks no one's looking,
she wouldn't mind my awful cooking
the machine told me so
and the machine should know

when it comes to romance
me and sarah both have exactly what the other one seeks
we would fall in love in, let's see, eight point four weeks
i really should thank you, you did us both a favour
we weren't well-matched at all, and as for sarah - now i can go save her

my soul-mate lives in india, but i can't afford the ticket there
i'd repeat that the machine was quite expensive
if i thought that you would care
but there's this girl called sarah, who doesn't live that far away
and she thinks steve carell's less funny than mister gervais

she's not a perfect match but compared to you she's the girl of my dreams
vanilla is not her favourite flavour of god damn ice cream
she doesn't pick her nose when she thinks no one's looking,
she wouldn't mind my awful cooking
the machine told me so
and the machine should know

the machine is not a very catchy name, i'll admit
how about "soul-mate-a-tron 2000"?
well if you don't care then i don't give a shit
about what you think
maybe me and sarah will discuss it over a drink
i'm much more likely to reach a consensus with her, anyway
i could do it too, you know, she doesn't live that far away

she's not a perfect match but compared to you she's the girl of my dreams
vanilla is not her favourite flavour of god damn ice cream
as it turns out i never loved you
i'm categorized two levels above you

the machine told me so
and the machine should know
yeah the machine told me so
and the machine should know