Answer Me

by Jakob Burrows

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1.
02:49
2.
02:07
3.
02:27
4.
03:40
5.
6.
05:05

about

Simple little love songs played on the ukulele, with lyrics about monsters and demons, intelligent machines and ignorant people. Recorded in my bedroom.

credits

released 02 February 2012

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Track Name: Answer Me
you have three new messages; the first one's from him
he says it's really you he loves, he'll never forget that again
those other girls they don't mean nothing to him
that's a double negative by the way, i just thought i'd clue you in

he goes on to apologize for his silly little mistakes
he knows you two could work it out if you'd meet him face to face
i don't think you should go, but hey, what the hell do I know...

i'm just meee - your little answering machine
but i'm tired of all the bullshit this guy's dragging you into
and i know it's not my place to say
but i don't think he cares about you anyway

you have two new messages - ugh, this one's from him tooÉ
he's got some more excuses, and then he tells you what to do
you know i never really liked him - you two just don't fit
because you're an innocent angel, and he's just a dick

that's just my opinion, but, you know.

i may just be your little answering machine
but i'm tired of all the bullshit this guy's dragging you into
and i know it's not my place to say
but i don't think he cares about you anyway

okay, so you went to see him, that's cool i guess
maybe you two could work it out, maybe that's for the best
i just want you to be happy, i hope you know that's true
cause there's no way i could be happy without you!

...being happy too.

it's just meee - your little answering machine
but i'm tired of all the bullshit this guy's dragging you into
and i know it's not my place to saaay

but you have one last message, this one's from me!
you'll never learn to love again, if you don't set yourself free!
I just thought i'd point that out, if you need me just give me a shout
or a call

BEEP
Track Name: Feet
i've got faces painted on my toes
when i walk around they go
ouch ouch ouch ouch!

i've got dreams seeping out of my holes
but all i do all day is
slouch on my couch

and i never thought i would meet
someone else who could see
the whole world
printed in the the wrinkles on their feet
but i don't mind
no i don't mind

do you know what's funny about this show?
nothing at all!
okay, so do you know why we're both laughing?
i did not think so!

i never thought i would meet
someone else who could see
the whole world
painted all across the TV screen
but i don't mind
no i don't mind

i've got faces painted on my toes
when I dance around they go
ouch ouch ouch ouch!

i've got dreams seeping out of my holes
but all i want to do is
dance round my house

and I never thought i would meet
someone else who could see
the whole world
printed in the the wrinkles on my feet

but i don't mind
no i don't mind
no, i don't mind
no, i don't mind
now that you are mine
i can't say that i mind
Track Name: Katherine
aah katherine
it's good to see you again
i'd ask how you have been
but i already know oh oh

i heard about the car crash
too bad your left arm got smashed
that was a bit tricky i'll admit, but i found one that would fit
and now you're whole again

oh katherine
it'd be a sin
to let your body decay
such a shame to leave it that way
i know we haven't spoken in a while but i missed you
and i thought maybe you missed me too
such a shame to leave it like that

i don't want you to panic
these straps are for both our protection
you see it's often difficult to tell what'll come back to the shell
in a complex resurrection like this

by the way we should test that right now
just give me a blink if you're able to think
...wait, why are your eyes red?

[chorus]

i hope you're still in there
why are you giving me that stare
oh dear what's that coming out of your nose
it looks like a garden hose

or a tentacle - oh god, always with the tentacles...
and there's more coming out of you now
and they're ripping you free from the slab
this is not what i had in mind

[chorus]

katherine please tell me that's you
oh god i am taking off my shoe
and i'm not afraid to throw it
oh what have i dooooooone?!
i just wanted us to maybe have some fun
oh god, it's opening it's mouth!
aahh, the teeth! It's going to speak!

oh steve
thanks for reviving me
as you can see
you also set some friends of mine free

we haven't spoken in a while but you always annoyed me
now i'm super-evil and you're still so boring
such a shame to leave it like that
oh such a shame to leave it like that
Track Name: The Machine
i had to hack into a lot of databases
to gather variables for the machine
and i needed the best behavioural analysts
that was quite an expensive team
but now it's done and it's computing my every little need
a strip of paper comes out, and this is what i read

my soul-mate lives in india, but i can't afford the ticket there
i'd repeat that the machine was quite expensive
if i thought that you would care
but there's this girl called sarah, who doesn't live that far away
and she prefers the office u.k. to the office u.s.a.

she's not a perfect match but compared to you she's the girl of my dreams
vanilla is not her favourite flavour of god damn ice cream
she doesn't pick her nose when she thinks no one's looking,
she wouldn't mind my awful cooking
the machine told me so
and the machine should know

when it comes to romance
me and sarah both have exactly what the other one seeks
we would fall in love in, let's see, eight point four weeks
i really should thank you, you did us both a favour
we weren't well-matched at all, and as for sarah - now i can go save her

my soul-mate lives in india, but i can't afford the ticket there
i'd repeat that the machine was quite expensive
if i thought that you would care
but there's this girl called sarah, who doesn't live that far away
and she thinks steve carell's less funny than mister gervais

she's not a perfect match but compared to you she's the girl of my dreams
vanilla is not her favourite flavour of god damn ice cream
she doesn't pick her nose when she thinks no one's looking,
she wouldn't mind my awful cooking
the machine told me so
and the machine should know

the machine is not a very catchy name, i'll admit
how about "soul-mate-a-tron 2000"?
well if you don't care then i don't give a shit
about what you think
maybe me and sarah will discuss it over a drink
i'm much more likely to reach a consensus with her, anyway
i could do it too, you know, she doesn't live that far away

she's not a perfect match but compared to you she's the girl of my dreams
vanilla is not her favourite flavour of god damn ice cream
as it turns out i never loved you
i'm categorized two levels above you

the machine told me so
and the machine should know
yeah the machine told me so
and the machine should know
Track Name: Worst Love Song
you are... kind of a cunt
and i am... known to be blunt
but when i see the way you look at couples in the street
acting all "romantic" when they're just in heat
i can't help but think that you and me
could have a something oh so bittersweet

i think we'd go together
like a day on the beach, and bad weather
like movie adaptations and video games
like screaming babies and airplanes

cause you and me were meant to be
like an oil spill and the sea
i'll admit that i ain't no romancer
but we belong together like leukaemia and cancer

like fonzie on waterskies, and season 9 of scrubs
like plugged in toasters, and bathtubs
like religion and logical fallacies
like a beautiful spring day, and allergies
filling your nose with mucus
like my childhood, and george lucas

[chorus]

and I like you but I don't trust you
and i don't think you'd be good for me
and i don't think i'd be good for you

and we'll make each other cry, each wish the other one would die
but right now you wish you'd never been born, and that's worse
it's a long way to the grave, we might as well get comfortable together in the hurse

[chorus]
Track Name: #79
number one was when i sang that i loved you too
turns out i was way ahead of you
hastily amending the lyrics and chords
i got through numbers two and three and four
before security escorted me out the door

haven't you ever seen a film or listened to the radio?
don't you understand the way it's supposed to go?

i ran out out of nice things to say about your body at number thirty-four
and yeah of course your mind was way way way before

i've given up on flattery,
just looking for a melody,
that makes you weak at the knees
that goes straight to the core of you,
like you do to me without meaning to,
oh baby please

haven't you ever seen a film or listened to the radio?
don't you understand the way it's supposed to go?

a hopeless romantic
with emphasis on hopeless
i might be a bit frantic
but it's all good, i guess
my heart is still mending
just don't call me a quitter
take a bittersweet ending
with emphasis on bitter

you think i like doing this?
you think i like being here?
standing on your stupid porch,
singing like some faggot-queer?
WELL I DON'T

i've given up on flattery,
just looking for a melody,
that makes you weak at the knees
that goes straight to the core of you,
like you do to me without meaning to,
oh baby please

haven't you ever seen a film or listened to the radio?
don't you understand the way it's supposed to go?

a hopeless romantic
with emphasis on hopeless
i might be a bit frantic
but it's all good, i guess
my heart is still mending
just don't call me a quitter
take a bittersweet ending
with emphasis on bitter

i've got a backing band that kind of rocks
all my money goes to their fees
and your heart's got lots of locks
but my piano's got lots of keys

a hopeless romantic
with emphasis on hopeless
i might be a bit frantic
but it's all good, i guess
just don't call me a quitter
my heart is still mending
i want an ending, bittersweet
with emphasis on ending