you have three new messages; the first one's from him he says it's really you he loves, he'll never forget that again those other girls they don't mean nothing to him that's a double negative by the way, i just thought i'd clue you in he goes on to apologize for his silly little mistakes he knows you two could work it out if you'd meet him face to face i don't think you should go, but hey, what the hell do I know... i'm just meee - your little answering machine but i'm tired of all the bullshit this guy's dragging you into and i know it's not my place to say but i don't think he cares about you anyway you have two new messages - ugh, this one's from him tooÉ he's got some more excuses, and then he tells you what to do you know i never really liked him - you two just don't fit because you're an innocent angel, and he's just a dick that's just my opinion, but, you know. i may just be your little answering machine but i'm tired of all the bullshit this guy's dragging you into and i know it's not my place to say but i don't think he cares about you anyway okay, so you went to see him, that's cool i guess maybe you two could work it out, maybe that's for the best i just want you to be happy, i hope you know that's true cause there's no way i could be happy without you! ...being happy too. it's just meee - your little answering machine but i'm tired of all the bullshit this guy's dragging you into and i know it's not my place to saaay but you have one last message, this one's from me! you'll never learn to love again, if you don't set yourself free! I just thought i'd point that out, if you need me just give me a shout or a call BEEP

i've got faces painted on my toes when i walk around they go ouch ouch ouch ouch! i've got dreams seeping out of my holes but all i do all day is slouch on my couch and i never thought i would meet someone else who could see the whole world printed in the the wrinkles on their feet but i don't mind no i don't mind do you know what's funny about this show? nothing at all! okay, so do you know why we're both laughing? i did not think so! i never thought i would meet someone else who could see the whole world painted all across the TV screen but i don't mind no i don't mind i've got faces painted on my toes when I dance around they go ouch ouch ouch ouch! i've got dreams seeping out of my holes but all i want to do is dance round my house and I never thought i would meet someone else who could see the whole world printed in the the wrinkles on my feet but i don't mind no i don't mind no, i don't mind no, i don't mind now that you are mine i can't say that i mind

aah katherine it's good to see you again i'd ask how you have been but i already know oh oh i heard about the car crash too bad your left arm got smashed that was a bit tricky i'll admit, but i found one that would fit and now you're whole again oh katherine it'd be a sin to let your body decay such a shame to leave it that way i know we haven't spoken in a while but i missed you and i thought maybe you missed me too such a shame to leave it like that i don't want you to panic these straps are for both our protection you see it's often difficult to tell what'll come back to the shell in a complex resurrection like this by the way we should test that right now just give me a blink if you're able to think ...wait, why are your eyes red? [chorus] i hope you're still in there why are you giving me that stare oh dear what's that coming out of your nose it looks like a garden hose or a tentacle - oh god, always with the tentacles... and there's more coming out of you now and they're ripping you free from the slab this is not what i had in mind [chorus] katherine please tell me that's you oh god i am taking off my shoe and i'm not afraid to throw it oh what have i dooooooone?! i just wanted us to maybe have some fun oh god, it's opening it's mouth! aahh, the teeth! It's going to speak! oh steve thanks for reviving me as you can see you also set some friends of mine free we haven't spoken in a while but you always annoyed me now i'm super-evil and you're still so boring such a shame to leave it like that oh such a shame to leave it like that

i had to hack into a lot of databases to gather variables for the machine and i needed the best behavioural analysts that was quite an expensive team but now it's done and it's computing my every little need a strip of paper comes out, and this is what i read my soul-mate lives in india, but i can't afford the ticket there i'd repeat that the machine was quite expensive if i thought that you would care but there's this girl called sarah, who doesn't live that far away and she prefers the office u.k. to the office u.s.a. she's not a perfect match but compared to you she's the girl of my dreams vanilla is not her favourite flavour of god damn ice cream she doesn't pick her nose when she thinks no one's looking, she wouldn't mind my awful cooking the machine told me so and the machine should know when it comes to romance me and sarah both have exactly what the other one seeks we would fall in love in, let's see, eight point four weeks i really should thank you, you did us both a favour we weren't well-matched at all, and as for sarah - now i can go save her my soul-mate lives in india, but i can't afford the ticket there i'd repeat that the machine was quite expensive if i thought that you would care but there's this girl called sarah, who doesn't live that far away and she thinks steve carell's less funny than mister gervais she's not a perfect match but compared to you she's the girl of my dreams vanilla is not her favourite flavour of god damn ice cream she doesn't pick her nose when she thinks no one's looking, she wouldn't mind my awful cooking the machine told me so and the machine should know the machine is not a very catchy name, i'll admit how about "soul-mate-a-tron 2000"? well if you don't care then i don't give a shit about what you think maybe me and sarah will discuss it over a drink i'm much more likely to reach a consensus with her, anyway i could do it too, you know, she doesn't live that far away she's not a perfect match but compared to you she's the girl of my dreams vanilla is not her favourite flavour of god damn ice cream as it turns out i never loved you i'm categorized two levels above you the machine told me so and the machine should know yeah the machine told me so and the machine should know

you are... kind of a cunt and i am... known to be blunt but when i see the way you look at couples in the street acting all "romantic" when they're just in heat i can't help but think that you and me could have a something oh so bittersweet i think we'd go together like a day on the beach, and bad weather like movie adaptations and video games like screaming babies and airplanes cause you and me were meant to be like an oil spill and the sea i'll admit that i ain't no romancer but we belong together like leukaemia and cancer like fonzie on waterskies, and season 9 of scrubs like plugged in toasters, and bathtubs like religion and logical fallacies like a beautiful spring day, and allergies filling your nose with mucus like my childhood, and george lucas [chorus] and I like you but I don't trust you and i don't think you'd be good for me and i don't think i'd be good for you and we'll make each other cry, each wish the other one would die but right now you wish you'd never been born, and that's worse it's a long way to the grave, we might as well get comfortable together in the hurse [chorus]

number one was when i sang that i loved you too turns out i was way ahead of you hastily amending the lyrics and chords i got through numbers two and three and four before security escorted me out the door haven't you ever seen a film or listened to the radio? don't you understand the way it's supposed to go? i ran out out of nice things to say about your body at number thirty-four and yeah of course your mind was way way way before i've given up on flattery, just looking for a melody, that makes you weak at the knees that goes straight to the core of you, like you do to me without meaning to, oh baby please haven't you ever seen a film or listened to the radio? don't you understand the way it's supposed to go? a hopeless romantic with emphasis on hopeless i might be a bit frantic but it's all good, i guess my heart is still mending just don't call me a quitter take a bittersweet ending with emphasis on bitter you think i like doing this? you think i like being here? standing on your stupid porch, singing like some faggot-queer? WELL I DON'T i've given up on flattery, just looking for a melody, that makes you weak at the knees that goes straight to the core of you, like you do to me without meaning to, oh baby please haven't you ever seen a film or listened to the radio? don't you understand the way it's supposed to go? a hopeless romantic with emphasis on hopeless i might be a bit frantic but it's all good, i guess my heart is still mending just don't call me a quitter take a bittersweet ending with emphasis on bitter i've got a backing band that kind of rocks all my money goes to their fees and your heart's got lots of locks but my piano's got lots of keys a hopeless romantic with emphasis on hopeless i might be a bit frantic but it's all good, i guess just don't call me a quitter my heart is still mending i want an ending, bittersweet with emphasis on ending